There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
