dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
