I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
