I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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