If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
