we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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