she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
