Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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