I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
