I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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