I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The Olympian is in my bed
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