A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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