nut hugger
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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