direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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