Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
