They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize