FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
