she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
