I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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