STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She said her name was "party"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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