I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
