Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
