Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
