My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
