it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I met the friendliest cop last night
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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