I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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