he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
