Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
not ubering you a puppy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
PANTIES FOUND
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
