Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
