i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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