Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
