These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize