I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
