I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
