I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
