does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
