I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
