It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
