Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
