Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
