Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
