haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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