Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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