He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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