So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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