i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
