So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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