There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize