Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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