Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
