Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
