He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
