the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
