I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
