That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
