I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
