I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And then my night got REAL pukey
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
