Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
