Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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