The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
What a dumb baby whore.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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