Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
