i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
