He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
