my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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