You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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