That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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