Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
