Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
