So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
