I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
