You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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