i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
