Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
They are going to name an STD after you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
