I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
