we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
