Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
