Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I need moral support for this bender
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
