Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
