My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
