1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
