Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
