just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
