I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
