I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
