i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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