all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
