Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
