Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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