I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
