I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
