Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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