I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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