I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
