have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
