I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
