K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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