Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
