If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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