Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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