They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
