A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize