I look better un-naked...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
