I wish you could order shots online.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sorry my hands just texted you
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
