Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Green mimosas i think yes
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
