she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
