I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
