Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
