Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
