your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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