i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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