marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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