Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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