Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
